Author: alfabus

Because I have experienced more different and varied contexts which shake my center of reality. Because I feel more confident in my body and in my identities even as they are shifting. I have a less self-conscious way of simply being and sitting in a room. My body has changed physical ways which seem to…

when i moved to berlin in 2004 exactly on this weekend my rent was 75€ for my room. i got a job dancing at sage club on the bar for 80€ on a friday or saturday night for four 45 minute sets between 11 and 3 am. No show preparation required–lets say 1 hour of…

When I was a young person, a teenager, and especially when I left grade school and finally had agency over my own education … I started to wake up to how fucked up the world is, always has been, creates and sustains violence. I understand that I played a role, consenting to it, as a…

When the hard rain comes it leaks through the glass pained roof above my bed nook. It doesnt leak enough to fill buckets but it cries tears through the metal seams and lands in soft patches on my bed. I know that I have to go to the store tomorrow to buy clear silicon and…

this is not a war we are going through. this is a non violent protest a resistance. our bodies are on the line, not all of us, but some of us especially collectively those not on the front lines must pass them badly needed supplies must modify our own behavior to protect them we have…

When the quarantine hit a lot of things broke. Yes, the fear of death hit us, the fear of no work, the fear of survival, the fear of the future, the fear of not knowing. But also, for some of us—the stress broke. The anxiety of waiting broke. The feeling of being a dead person…

To those who can support artists during this time, please remember that those of us who are living in the gig economy have lost all of our work and most of us have absolutely no safety set. All of my work for March has been cancelled, likewise for my family and friends. If there is…

Speaking of “from which anxieties do i speak?” I think one of the anxieties from which I and others speak is a fear of performance. Performance, in this sense, is the fear of performing something which is not real. An idea which is interesting to follow, because it gets at something interesting about the word…